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In my work as a couples therapist, I regularly help couples expand the narrative they have about what being with someone is "supposed to" look like. In this country that narrative varies, depending on the culture/religion/region, but one idea that is nearly universal is that a relationship should be romance-based.

What this means is that we should not marry our best friends; instead we should marry someone we are "in love" with, someone we want to have sex with, someone we feel romantic about. Some marriage narratives go even further and tell us that we should feel these things for only one person, and we should feel them for the length of the marriage.

This narrative is appealing to think about, but often leads to anxiety, shame, and resentment in practice, because it is way too narrow to hold the complexities that modern relationships consist of. There are few relationships that can sustain "in love" romantic feelings exactly how they felt at the beginning--most experts estimate that this stage burns out in 1-3 years max. So what happens when the temperature drops in a marriage? Well, one of the things that happens is boredom.

While it may be upsetting to think you will eventually feel bored in your relationship, I assure you that while this can be a sign of trouble, it can also be a sign that you are moving from limerence to real love.

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