We all have ways to "get through the day", don't we? But I notice that some coping behaviors are more acceptable in relationships than others. One that seems to cause problems on a regular basis is the use of pornography.
I chose to write about porn, finally, because the topic comes up almost universally at some point in couples work. Why is it such a divisive issue? Why is it often seen as a form of betrayal, or a sign that one's attraction for their spouse has decreased or disappeared, when other individual interests don't trigger these reactions?
Porn, like many things tied to human sexuality, can be misunderstood and simplified, but it is my opinion that the use of it represents a lot more than just "a way to get off". Not that there is anything wrong with that! I just think that it is more likely that porn, like many coping mechanisms, is often a salve for unmet emotional needs by being an outlet for our
fantasy lives. The fantasy is just the vehicle, though, not the final destination. In other words, porn is a means, not an end in itself.
This should be reassuring to those who see porn as a threat to their relationship's sex life, since it suggests that porn is
not actually a substitute for sex!
What needs, then, might porn be helping the viewer attend to? And why is sexual fantasy an effective way to do this? How can the threat of porn be dismantled in relationships and instead embraced and accepted as an individual or joint exercise toward relational satisfaction and individual development? How
can we embrace porn viewing as a healthy means to an end?
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