My last article was about how relationships are the hardest
thing you will ever do, and I outlined some of the main reasons for this. In this article I want to present the ways couples therapy can help with these difficulties by discussing three possible outcomes of the work. I hope this exploration will demystify some of the "mystery", helping readers to understand that the success of couples therapy has more to do with the couple seeking it than the therapist administering it. This is not an attempt to make a couple responsible
for any failure of couples therapy, but rather to emphasize their role in its success--to up their skin in game, so to speak.
There was a time when couples therapy was seen as the last resort for a broken marriage. Today, there continues to be more of a stigma toward couples work than individual work. Fortunately, that perception is changing over time, with many couples now seeking assistance at the beginning of their relationships, as a way to avoid issues down the road.
However, there continue to be misconceptions about what couples therapy can actually do. What it can't do is:
- "fix" your relationship
- decide for you if you should stay together or break up (though it may help you to make a decision about this)
- improve the sex (or re-start it) in your relationship if neither partner is willing to make some changes
Simply put, the work of a couples therapist is to help couples have difficult conversations. The main difficult conversations that couples struggle to have often concern sex, money, parenting, and respect. These conversations can be difficult to have because having them requires that we set aside defensiveness and criticism, and examine what we are willing to "give up" so that the relationship, not the
individual, can "win". This can be very challenging if a couple have opposing values in these areas, but it is not impossible!
So let's look at what can happen when a couple comes into therapy for help with their difficult conversations. What are the possible outcomes?
Click HERE to continue reading the article.
