Mar/Apr 2022: The Hardest Thing Ever

Published: Tue, 03/08/22

The Connection!

March/April 2022

Tony Davis Psychotherapy

Couples Therapy & EMDR

OFFICE HOURS

OFFICE CLOSURES:

April 16-17: Easter weekend

Office hours for the weeks before and after closed dates may be adjusted to accommodate. Please note regular hours.

HOURS FOR IN-OFFICE OR TELEHEALTH SESSIONS: (subject to change week-to-week):

Mondays: NOT IN THE OFFICE

Tuesdays: 10am-9pm

Wednesdays: 7pm (video session only)

Thursdays: 9am-9pm

Fridays: NOT IN THE OFFICE

Saturdays: 9am-4pm

Sundays and Major Holidays: NOT IN THE OFFICE

I offer complimentary 50 minute consultations in office or via video. Please contact me for availability.

Note that if you are a current client and cannot find a time that works for you in my availability calendar, you can contact me directly.

CLIENT CORNER

GUIDELINES FOR IN-PERSON SESSIONS:

Update: Masks no longer required in session!

I have been fully vaccinated with the Moderna vaccine and booster shot. If it has been at least two weeks since you have been fully vaccinated, I encourage you to return to in-office sessions if you have been using telehealth. Masks are no longer required in-office if you are fully vaccinated and boosted. Please do not attend sessions if you have any symptoms of illness.

If you have not been fully vaccinated against COVID-19, office sessions are not available--I am happy to offer you video sessions.

I will continue to offer both in-person and telehealth sessions for individuals and couples. Please keep in mind that reimbursement for telehealth services is subject to change depending on applicable laws and insurance regulations.

My practice will continue to follow best practices to reduce the risk of spreading the coronavirus. I remain committed to following state and federal guidelines and to adhering to prevailing professional healthcare standards to limit the transmission of COVID-19 in my office. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask. We will get through this together by staying safe and on top of new developments and guidelines.

Now let's take a look at the feature article!

Feature Article:

Why Relationships Are The Hardest Thing You Will Ever Do (And Why They're Worth It!)

Have you ever spoken with someone who has just given birth? Often, you will hear them swear that they will never get pregnant again. But the reality is that most do repeat the experience--more than just once! Perhaps one reason for this is that the pain and suffering of giving birth and having an infant are temporary, with rewards that may increase as time goes on. We don't mind a little suffering if there is a reward for it down the line!

So what is the story regarding relationships?

Well, on paper they look amazing. We are drawn to them because they offer safety, security, acceptance, love, sex, family, community, meaning, and more. Like babies, we love them when we see them out in the world, but the reality of having one in your home 24/7 is a whole different story.

And yet we keep seeking them out, and getting into them, only to find out that once we move through the limerence phase, they get difficult. Why do they become so difficult? Why can't they continue to feel like floating on clouds? The answer to this is complex and differs somewhat from person to person, but I hope in this article to give you an understanding of the process that can cause distress but, when handled well, also lead to "real love".

Click HERE to continue reading the article.

Additional Resources:

ESTHER PEREL:

Why Modern Love is So Damn Hard

I encourage you to read what the leading expert on relationships has to say about the topic I have written about this month. "Is it any wonder that, tied up in relying on a partner for compassion, reassurance, sexual excitement, financial partnership, etc. that we end up looking to them for identity or, even worse, for self-worth?
Combine that with the commodification of love, the increasingly omnipresent “is there somebody better?”, and we have a recipe for decreasing the perceived “cost” of love. All the while increasing our expectations on our partnerships, and even adding more to the list, without really understanding what we’re asking."

Click HERE to read the article.

THE GOTTMAN INSTITUTE:

Why Conventional Marriage Wisdom Is Wrong

"Marriage is one of the oldest social, economic, religious and legal institutions in the world, and there’s no shortage of opinions on what makes it work. But much of the conventional wisdom is not based on evidence, and some is flat-out wrong. After researching thousands of couples for more than 40 years at The Gottman Institute, these are some of the myths we’ve encountered most often."

Click HERE to read the article.

OPRAH DAILY:

How to Improve Communication in All Kinds of Relationships, According to Experts

"Want to bicker less with your partner? Or perhaps you need pointers on navigating tricky conversations with family or coworkers. We’ve gathered experts in everything from politics to prose to solve your most pressing communication conundrums. Now for the good news: Forging better bonds is not as complicated as you might think—sometimes it’s even as simple as a well-timed joke. Read their responses to a few pressing questions."

Click HERE for the article.

ERIC BARKER:

This Is How To Have Emotionally Intelligent Relationships: 4 Secrets From Research

"We all have social situations where we consistently stumble. At certain times, or in certain contexts, often while under stress — we blow it. And we just don’t know why. We lash out, cling, blame, or withdraw and it hurts our relationships. We try to be better… but then it happens again. And again.

It can be hard to see what you’re doing wrong. We might notice a pattern, but only roughly. During conflict or criticism, or when feeling lonely, our instincts can seem all wrong.

You hear a lot of talk about habits these days but nobody talks about our emotional or relationship habits – and those are a lot harder to fix. Well, psychology has a word for those: schemas. And they’re not just habits, they go a lot deeper. They’re near-unconscious core beliefs about yourself and others that influence how you interact with people."

Click HERE for the article.

COURSERA:

The Science of Well-Being

In this FREE course you will engage in a series of challenges designed to increase your own happiness and build more productive habits. As preparation for these tasks, Professor Laurie Santos reveals misconceptions about happiness, annoying features of the mind that lead us to think the way we do, and the research that can help us change. You will ultimately be prepared to successfully incorporate a specific wellness activity into your life.

Click HERE for more information and to enroll in the course.

CORAL App:

Love Making Love

Coral is a new app that offers to help users in three key areas:

Deeper connections: Achieve greater intimacy with your partner and learn how to live in the moment.
Enhanced pleasure: Discover new frontiers of enjoyment and reap the many benefits of a healthy sex life.
Unshakable confidence: Feel great in your body, understand what you want and learn how to ask for it.

I have checked out the app and find it to be thorough in its approach to education and support, and am thrilled to be able to offer my readers 30% off an annual subscription! Use the link below to access the discount offer. This will work for any new users.

https://www.trycoral.app/new-coralers

If you have any difficulty accessing please email me to let me know and I will contact them.

PACT INSTITUTE COUPLES WORKSHOPS:

Wired for Love Couples Retreats:
Creating an Owner’s Manual for a Secure-Functioning Relationship

World renowned couple therapist Dr. Stan Tatkin and Dr. Tracey Tatkin are now offering their wildly popular Wired for Love couples retreat online.

Over the course of eight live, online sessions, you’ll learn to:

Establish a nurturing two-person system called the couple bubble
Understand how your brain can help you and hurt you in a relationship
Practice ways to soothe yourself and each other
Know your attachment style – how your brain relates to other people
Fight well with your partner and repair hurt quickly
Use gratitude and sex to build a stronger relationship

Don’t expect a talking head or a lecture. Each interactive session is jam-packed with demonstrations, exercises, and opportunities to practice powerful new tools to connect with your partner more deeply.

Click HERE for details and dates!

GOTTMAN INSTITUTE COUPLES WORKSHOPS:

Below are a sampling of available Gottman Institute Online Workshops that can be a great adjunct resource for your relationship work:

All About Conflict--ON SALE!

The first program, “Dealing with Conflict” teaches the basics of communication in conflict. You will learn which of the problems your relationship faces are solvable, and which you may continue to encounter. If any of these perpetual problems have you stuck, the Gottmans can help you get “unstuck” and understand each other’s perspectives. “Dealing with Conflict” helps prepare you for the regular, inevitable moments of friction that are bound to arise in any relationship.

The second program, “Making Up After an Argument" teaches how to navigate more difficult arguments and the feelings that come along with them. If “Dealing with Conflict” makes regular communication “smooth sailing”, “Making Up After an Argument" helps you address rough waters to keep your relationship from capsizing. Often, more serious arguments arise because they touch on values and beliefs one or both of you hold dear. Explore what’s underneath the storm with the game-changing exercises contained in this program.

Click here for more info and to purchase.

VIDEO

Dr. Stan Tatkin TEDTalk:

Relationships Are Hard, But Why?

Relationships are hard. But what if it's not you or them or sex, money or even who picks up the socks. What if there is a far more primitive reason?

In this talk, relationship expert Stan Tatkin explores why we fight from the perspective of neuroscience – and how to give your relationship a fighting chance.

You can view the video by clicking below...

Relationships Are Hard, But Why? | Stan Tatkin | TEDxKC

About Tony Davis Psychotherapy

I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC81838) and AACAST certified Couples and Sex Therapist and fully-trained EMDR therapist who works with couples and individuals on relationship issues including communication, conflict, sex, trust, and "affair-repair ". Learn how the stories you have of yourself and others are interfering with having the life and relationships you prefer.

CALL 323 963-3183 to book a complimentary consultation, or email me at tonydavistherapy@gmail.com.

Go to CouplesTherapistLA.com for more details.

If you like the feature article in this newsletter and want to read other articles that were previously published, please visit my Blog HERE. If this newsletter was forwarded to you and you would like to subscribe yourself, please go HERE.

Online Therapy Resources for Clients

I offer in-office, video, and phone sessions. Video or phone sessions are available if one of the following apply:

physical disability that keeps you homebound or makes it difficult to travel
current illness or injury
concern for privacy
self-quarantine or self-isolation due to an ongoing public health crisis
scheduling issues with my in-office availability

If you are not familiar or comfortable with video sessions, no worries! Here are some resources for you to check out so you have the best experience, and of course I am available for any questions or concerns! Click on any of the links below:

Internet Speed Test (best to have a download speed of at least 10 mbps)

How To Optimize Your Internet Connection for Video Sessions

Telehealth FAQs for Clients

Couples Counseling with Tony Davis, LMFT

See you in May!