July/August Newsletter: FIREWORKS--When Is Anger Okay?

Published: Tue, 07/02/19

The Connection! July/August 2019

Tony Davis Psychotherapy

Relationship Therapy for Couples and Individuals

OFFICE HOURS

NOTE: The office will be closed the following dates:

Wednesday evening 7/3-Sunday 7/7: Independence Day Weekend

Thursday 8/22-Sunday 8/25: Out of town

Monday, 9/2: Labor Day

REGULAR HOURS:

Mondays: 3pm-9pm

Tuesdays and Wednesdays: 9am-230pm

NEW! Occasional Tuesday nights until 8pm

Thursdays: 6pm-9pm

Fridays: NOT IN THE OFFICE

Saturdays: starting at 9am and going until noon or 330pm, with some Saturdays off

Sundays and Major Holidays: NOT IN THE OFFICE

I offer complimentary consultations in office on Thursdays at 5pm and Saturday afternoons.

I may add additional hours on a weekly basis depending on demand. Note that if you are a current client and cannot find a time that works for you in my availability calendar, you can contact me directly.

Now let's take a look at the feature article!

Feature Article:

When Is Anger Okay?

It’s not a surprise that many of the couples I see in my practice come in angry with each other. I am always glad they they came in, because anger, if not properly expressed, can ruin a relationship.My job is to reach the feelings underneath the anger, and help each partner be vulnerable enough to share these with the other, giving them an opportunity to respond in a way that connects them.

This is not easy. However, it is the best way I know to avoid ending a relationship that does not need to end–a relationship that may have several wonderful things going for it!

Let’s face it–we all get angry at times. Anger is not the enemy, but the reality I see is that few people actually feel genuine anger and express it at the time they are feeling it. Instead, they find themselves acting out of aggression or rage, both of which are behaviors and not feelings, according to Anita Avedian, LMFT, author of Anger Management Essentials. These behaviors are also, unfortunately, destructive and sometimes deadly.

So what do we do? Well, the first step is recognizing what anger is, and what it isn’t, and looking at which you are doing in your relationship(s). The next step is learning and practicing expressing healthy anger, while acting to stop aggression and rage before they ever get going. This can take weeks of work, but I am happy to share the basics with you in this article. So when is anger okay?

Click the button below to keep reading...

Additional Resources:

ANGER MANAGEMENT ESSENTIALS WORKBOOK

I have found this workbook and text by Anita Avedian to be invaluable in my understanding of what anger is and what it isn't, and where it comes from and how to respond to it. Also, there are examples of how to express it in a way that connects you to another rather than pushing them away or inviting them to counter-attack.

There are great exercises that help you to uncover your own process of anger--the idea that anger can be "managed" really refers to being in a relationship with your anger where you control it instead of it controlling you!

In a world where aggression and rage often rule our conflicts, you will find that learning how to express anger in a healthy way will work to your advantage in a number of ways, not the least of which is that you will live a longer life. Anita's workbook is available in many languages, so check it out if you struggle with your anger--you won't regret it!

Click HERE to buy the book.

HOW TO BECOME CONFIDENT IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS PODCAST

Bart Campolo is a podcaster, community builder, counselor and speaker who currently serves as the Humanist Chaplain at the University of Cincinnati. He always has an interesting perspective on how we think and believe. In this installment of his weekly podcast he talks about something that comes up often with my clients: social anxiety.

It is common to be anxious or nervous in social settings, whether or not we know everyone or nobody, because the brain is always on alert for danger, and strangers, or strange situations, activate our defenses. Part of the solution is to feel less alone in your fear.

From his website: "Bart has no fast-track to universal confidence to offer, but in this episode he shares a multi-point strategy that will give you a solid footing in social situations and lead to higher confidence."

Click HERE to listen to the podcast.

WHY WE GET MAD--AND WHY IT'S HEALTHY TED TALK

We are human, but we regularly forget this fact! Part of being human is understanding what keeps us alive--what has helped us to survive for hundreds of thousands of years. Anger is one of these tools, and what I often talk about with clients is how healthy anger does not often have a chance in our unnatural modern culture: we often cannot confront our threats or withdraw when triggered. This TED talk discusses what we can do in the face of unresolved healthy anger so that it does not become aggression or rage.

Click on the video play button below to watch!

Why We Get Mad--And Why It's Healthy

About Tony Davis Psychotherapy

I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC81838) and AACAST certified Couples and Sex Therapist who works with couples and individuals on relationship issues including communication, conflict, sex, dating, monogamy, "affair-repair ". Learn how the stories you have of yourself and others are interfering with having the life and relationships you prefer.

CALL 323 963-3183 to book a complimentary consultation, or email me at tonydavistherapy@gmail.com.

Go to CouplesTherapistLA.com for more details.

If you like the feature article in this newsletter and want to read other articles that were previously published, please visit my Blog HERE.

Couples Counseling with Tony Davis, LMFT

See you next time!